


yet another child au

by Anonymous



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Another child au, Gen, I'm stress writing crap, how terrible!, idk - Freeform, is Melody still here? Idk, no one is running the childcare, random people can just enter and snatch the kids whenever, why are they wearing teletubby onesies?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 02:14:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12333408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: They are in a childcare place areahisoka is gross, illumi is rude and chrollo is just there





	yet another child au

**Author's Note:**

> Any similarities between characters mentioned here and existing irl are purely coincidental :)

One fine day illumi and hisoka were seated on a couch watching teletubbies together.

Hisoka stuck a finger up his nose and smiled at illumi.

"Hey illumi"

"What"

"Do you know that bungee gum has the properties of both rubber and gum"

"No"

"Look" Hisoka pulled out a booger and started to stretch it "this is my elastic love"

"Hisoka pls stop" 

"I love u Illumi pls fight me"

"No" illumi decided to stop watching teletubbies with hisoka and waddled off the couch in his purple teletubby onesie. "I want to watch Blue's Clues"

Illumi took the remote and rudely switched the channel, searching for Blue's Clues.

"Hey!" Hisoka narrowed his eyes at illumi but illumi didn't care, he continued flipping through the channels.

Eventually illumi gave up when he couldn't find Blue's clues. Losing interest, he dropped the remote on the floor like the spoilt brat that he is and waddled away.

Hisoka frowned and picked up the remote, sticking his booger on the back of it. he switched back to the teletubbies channel. His eyes widdened in horror. The sun baby was going down!!! 

"It's time for tele bye bye" the TV said

"Noooo!" Hisoka said. But he could only watch helplessly as the teletubbies disappeared into the ground, one by one. 

Then they popped back out again. Hisoka was about to SMILE AGAIN but then they waved and disappeared one by one again

"Noooo! Don't go! Come bacccckkkk!" Hisoka cried, running to hug the tv. But they never came back. On that day hisoka learnt the meaning of suffering and false hope :(

The credits rolled and the sun baby giggled as it was shown setting down behind a hill.

"I hate u sun baby!!" Hisoka raged, ripping apart his red teletubby onesie in deep anger and hurling the remote at the TV at that giggling piece of shit. Thankfully his tiny baby arms were weak, the TV remote just bounced off the screen. But the remote broke and now the channels were flipping by themselves.

Hisoka didn't care though. The teletubbies were gone. He didn't care anymore. He waddled away to find his friends, sniffling.

Using his ultra sensitive friend detector nose (he was sniffling in both sadness and his desire to seek out his friends), hisoka managed to find chrollo tucked away in the corner of the room, reading. 

"Hello Hisoka. I see you have stopped watching TV." Chrollo said without looking up.

"Yeah." Hisoka knew that chrollo didn't ever watch TV because he thought it was a mindless soul-sucking machine. books are better, chrollo had declared once when he invited chrollo to watch teletubbies with him. what a book snob.

Then hisoka got bored because chrollo continued reading and ignored him.

"Fight me chrollo"

"No"

Hisoka paused. He had learnt that he needed to be polite to get what he wants. (Unlike Illumi who was rude, he didn't get to watch blue clues now did he?)

"Fight me chrollo pls"

"No"

"Pls chrollo" hisoka tugged on chrolloss yellow telebubby onesie. They were all wearing teletubby onesies. "Pls"

"No, go away." Chrollo slapped hisokas disgusting booger infested hand away absentmindedly, not knowing that by doing so he was fulfilling hisokas request indirectly.

Hisoka continued tugging at chrolloss onesie until chrollo looked up at him, frowning carefully. "Please leave me alone if you can't let me read my book in peace."

"No pls"

"..."

"Chrollo pls"

But chrollo did not fall for hisokas endless pestering because he was calm and collected and smart. "Leave me alone for now. I'll fight you next time"

"Okay" hisoka accepted. He activated his friend finding nose again, removing some more boogers from it using his pinky finger for better reception.

As hisoka waddled away towards illumi, chrollo was already concocting a master plan to take him down because chrollo is smart and plans ahead. Too bad hisoka is a dumbass, he did not know.  
He found illumi laying on the floor, scribbling on some sheets of loose paper with crayons and so he joined illumi in scribbling but because hisoka is dumb he scribbled on the FLOOR.  
Later their parents came to pick them up.   
"Daddy!!!" Hisoka screeched as he ran into his father's arms.

"How's my lil bby boo?" Ronald McDonald cooed, hugging and lifting the boy up in the air. 

Hisoka laughed in joy. 

Illumi saw this and turned his back to them. He was secretly jealous of them because now that milluki was born his parents had even lesser time for him and he didn't get as much affection as before. It must be nice being the only child! He thought bitterly.

(Chrollo didn't care as usual, LOL hes too busy reading and absorbing knowledge from books)

"Alright boys let's go get dinner at Wendy's now!" His mother, Wendy McDonald exclaimed.

"What. We're getting McDonald's for dinner today!" Ronald said.

"No, we had McDonald's for breakfast today, so now we're eating Wendy's!" She argued.

...

Hisoka was used to his parents arguing over what they would eat.

"...Why don't we let our dear son decide what we're eating tonight?" Ronald proposed with a twinkle in his eyes. He winked at hisoka. Choose McDonald's!!! He communicated telepathically.

"Fine. Im sure he'll make the right decision since he's so smart. Right, hisoka?" Wendy smiled sweetly at the boy and petted his head affectionately. Choose Wendy's, she thought furiously as she stared into her darling boy's wide, innocent eyes.

"So, what will it be? McDonald's or Wendy's?" They looked at hisoka expectantly.

"I want....I want bungee gum!" Hisoka said, because he is dumb.

"No, no. You have to choose between McDonald's and Wendy's only!" Ronald instructed his son patiently.

"Hmmmm...." hisoka thought for a moment, weighing his choices. Wendy's or McDonald's? Both were good...But..."I want a happy meal!"

It came with a new toy and hisoka loved new toys. Also it had "happy" in its name and hisoka loved being happy.

Ronald looked at Wendy triumphantly. "I'll be waiting for you in the car." He said then he walked out of the childcare centre holding the happy hisoka's tiny hand.

"Oh, wipe that smug look off your ugly clown face!" Wendy hissed, stomping after her clown husband. She was kind of a sore loser.

They left. 

Next came Illumis parents. 

Illumi was kind of happy because they came to pick him up today. Usually they were busy and got the butlers to pick him up instead. But today they were here! Now he could stop being jealous of hisoka's happy family life. 

Kikyo was holding baby milluki in her arms. "Oh illumi, would you like to hold your little brother?"

Illumi didn't really want to but kikyo was already holding the baby out so he reluctantly hugged milluki.

Looking at milluki's squashed up baby face, he thought milluki was actually kind of cute. Disgustingly vulnerable, but cute. He had dark hair and eyes, just like illumi. Various thoughts ran through illumis mind, then illumi realized.  
"It's not your fault you were born." He whispered to baby milluki, cuddling him close and stroking his soft black baby hair. Yes. It was the baby bringers fault. He would have to kill the stork, then no more new babies would ever appear at their house again. He tickled baby milluki's tummy, causing him to giggle.

"Awww, look at them." Kikyo and Sliva smiled at the sight of the small child illumi cradling baby milluki close.

"Mommy. Where does the stork live?" Illumi questioned with a blank look on his face.

"What?" Sliva asked, but then his stomach rumbled. "Let's go now get dinner now, I'm hungry."

"Why yes, I'm hungry too. We should get going!" Kikyo agreed. 

She linked arms with Sliva and they left the room, illumi still clutching his baby brother and his question unanswered. Illumi decided to follow his parents and keep a look out for suspicious birds for now. He will kill all the BAD birds. Then they all hopped into their rich people car and drove to burger kings for dinner because they don't eat peasant fast food.  
Now chrollo was the only boy left in the room.

Chrollo finally snuck out of the childcare centre all by himself when he was sure there was no one around. He didn't actually have parents, he was an orphan and just casually joins the other children in the crowd entering the centre every morning because they had free books and snacks. He didn't even pay for the childcare fees, chrollo is a homeless child freeloading off the childcare centre's facilities.  
Chrollo then went to steal a bucket of KFC wings so he could share it with his fellow homeless friends, like Shalnark and Pakunoda. They were happy. Chrollo had to get rid of his teletubby onesie though, because someone had spotted him in it stealing the KFC. What a pity. But chrollo could always get a new one somewhere.  
And so their wonderful day at the childcare centre ended.


End file.
